Empty laps

Or, at least, half empty. With Jesse's big move next door with the "big boys", Maya and I now have time to ourselves right before bed. It is a sweet time, one of the rare times during the day where it's just mom and daughter. We read, we sing, we pray, we rock. We miss Jesse. At least I do, Maya doesn't seem to mind that she now gets to fill the whole lap.

The gradual filling of the laps has caught me off guard. When they were tiny babies, the task was figuring how how to have an arm free to turn a page and not drop a baby. Then trying to teach 1 year olds stop stealing each other's pacifiers, but who greatly enjoy studying their mirror image. Or getting squirmy two year olds to actually focus in the same spot at the same time.

They've been growing, but never mentioned feeling crowded. You can imagine with these two overgrown 4 year olds, it makes a lap very full. But they don't care. They just sit, cuddle, rock, tickle, giggle, kiss. They love being together. They have absolutely no personal space issues. Being smashed up against one another is something they have known, and dare I say loved, from the womb of that special Ethiopian woman.

And now, it's just Maya and me. Rocking together. She hasn't said anything, but my heart is a bit sad at this transitional phase. The twins are separating a bit more from each other and gaining more of their individual identities. I knew it would have to happen some day. And they still kiss each other like crazy. But for me, it feels like an empty lap.

And still, Jesse is right next door. Giggling it up with the now much louder boy's bedtime routine with daddy.